Last Updated on June 5, 2026 by Lexi Kisses
Have you ever been watching a movie, and a character just hits all the right spots? Or maybe a certain line of dialog aroused you, and it keeps replaying in your head. What is it about these things that got you going? And, how can you make sure you will feel this way again? Well, the answer to both of those questions is to discover what turns you on.
Tips on How to Discover Your Turn Ons
As my examples above demonstrate; arousal tends to be spontaneous, this can make it difficult to know what’s turning you on. Therefore I put together a few of my personal tips on how to pin point what’s causing it..
Read Erotic Writings
When I say erotic writings, I’m not just talking about explicit smut. I’m talking about all types from soft-core to hard-core; because sometimes something as simple as holding hands might turn you on. And if it does, take note of that for later.
For those of you who are avid readers of erotica, I’d recommend branching out of your comfort zone. For instance, try a book about a kink you wouldn’t usually read about; who knows it may spark new ideas and discoveries.
There have been plenty of times when the tone of the book wasn’t for me, but some scenes were enjoyable and eye opening.
Think of People/Characters/Professions That Arouse You
Come up with a list of 3-5 people/characters that you find attractive.
When that is done, list out the traits/actions that you specifically find alluring about them. Once you have this list, break it down further and figure out what you are projecting on them.
Here’s a personal example:
Check Out Sex Forums
Another effective way to figure out what turns you on is to join a sex forum!
Thanks to the invention of the internet, there is no more need to expose your sexual discovery to the world. Just join a site like Reddit, add yourself to a sex forum, and you can anonymously see the sexual things that are out there.
Be aware that not every kink is going to be your thing. But, remember you are there to explore; go in with an open mind. Try to see what piques your interest, and curb your judgements.
Also, you may experience discomfort from enjoying a kink you think you shouldn’t. That’s ok, and normal; write the kink down and figure it out later (using the method in tip 2).
Play a Dating Sim
Dating simulators are made in a way that you will at least find some of the protagonists attractive. This makes playing them a great way to figure out what turns you on. If you find yourself constantly falling for certain archetypes, phrases, or outfit designs; note this! All of this information is vital to discovering what you’re attracted to.
And, like I mentioned previously, try tip 2 to get a deeper understanding on where those feelings are coming from.
Final Thoughts
Our turn ons are as unique as our personalities. They are believed to be shaped by our life experiences & biases. A lot, if not all, of our turn-ons root from some sort of projection, and that projection is often formed by things we are taught as kids by society and media.*
Get to know these projections, they are what turn you on. They’re the main plot points of your sexual story, and knowing them will allow you to create a sex life that fulfills them and you.
For more on the roots of Kinks and Psychology check out: my Breakdown of Your Brain on Sex.
*It’s important to remember these are just projections. Often these biases don’t actually match the person/object they are being projected on.
