Last Updated on October 24, 2025 by Lexi Kisses
If you get pleasure from pain, Sadomasochism just might be your thing. Sadomasochism in BDSM refers to the consensual dynamic of someone who wants to be hurt for pleasure (the masochist) and someone who wants to hurt (the sadist) for pleasure.
What is a Masochist?
A masochist is someone who derives pleasure from physical and/or emotional pain. If the sting from hot wax or the burn of a well given insult turns you on, there’s a chance you’re a masochist.
It’s important to remember that masochism is on a spectrum, so the degree of intensity someone wants can vary. Not only from person to person; but also from day to day for an individual.
What Does a Masochist Get Out of it?
Many masochists describe the effects of sexual masochism as “relieving” or “freeing”. It’s a way for them to relax. And, after some research, they may be on to something.
Physically, we know that when a body experiences pain, it releases endorphins to try to elevate the intensity. These endorphins are known to make a person feel euphoric as well as alleviate mental stress.1 This means, for some masochists, there’s a sense of relaxation that comes from feeling pain.
Psychologically, masochism can also bring them a sense of accomplishment from testing their limits. This feeling can affect their overall well-being positively, leading to better moods and outlooks on life in the long run.2
And, for those who have been victims of past trauma, Masochism may be an effective way to cope.3 Masochism provides them a way to take power back in a situation. It does this by allowing them to choose the pain that is inflicted on them, which in turn, can give them a sense of control they felt they never had.
On the opposite side of things. Some masochists do it to give up control. Because the act of giving this type of power to someone else can be freeing for some.
What is a Sadist?
A sexual sadist is someone who derives pleasure from inflicting physical and/or mental pain on their willing partner/s. The “pain” giver in a masochist’s life is usually but not always a Sadist.
Sadists vary in their wants to inflict pain and how they express it. Just because you get pleasure out of someone’s pain doesn’t mean you don’t have limits. I mean, come on, we’re not savages…well, not all of us.
What Does a Sadist Get Out of it?
When practicing Sadism healthily, there are a wide range of benefits.
Practicing consensual sadism can give the user emotional relief by giving them a sense of control over things, from their partner’s bodies to their reactions. It’s a euphoric power to have over someone. And, it can be healing for those who feel they lack control or desire it.
There are also less selfish benefits to sexual sadism, such as giving your masochistic partner relief and helping them achieve their own pain goals. This, in turn, helps foster a deeper, more intimate bond between those involved, helping them strengthen their relationship.
Clarifying a Misconception
If you noticed, I didn’t mention specific types such as Dom or Sub when referring to Sadomasochists. That was on purpose. There’s a common misconception that Sadist = Dom and Masochist = sub, and even if it’s common, it doesn’t represent all Sadists and Masochists. So, make sure to ask what your partner wants out of it.
Final Thoughts
Sadomasochism has a questionable reputation in the public eye. The dynamic is often shown as toxic. With the masochist utterly unaware of the sadist’s red flags. In healthy practice, it’s not like that at all.
A proper sexual sadist understands the importance of boundaries and safety when it comes to their partner/s. It’s important that they take all measures to respect their partner, and play within the rules. And, by doing this, it leads to a closer emotional and physical relationship between them.
So, if you find yourself liking pain or pleasure; try exploring sadomasochism. And, if you have; what was your experience?
- Watson, Stephanie. “Endorphins: The Brain’s Natural Pain Reliever.” Harvard Health, 20 July 2021, www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/endorphins-the-brains-natural-pain-reliever.[↩]
- Introduction to Accomplishment. “Introduction to Accomplishment.” Counseling & Psychological Services, 14 Sept. 2021, web.archive.org/web/20240224114951/counseling.oregonstate.edu/introduction-accomplishment. Accessed 21 Oct. 2025.[↩]
- Siegel, Stanley. Your Brain on Sex. Sourcebooks Casablanca, 2011.[↩]
