Arousal Non-Concordance – What is it?

You’re so wet” and “You’re so hard” didn’t quite hit the same after learning about this. 

What is Arousal Non-Concordance? 

Non-Concordance concerning sexual arousal describes the common phenomenon of when the brain says; “Yes, I’m ready for sex,” and the body says, “Not going to happen,” or vice versa. 

This occurrence happens when the brain and body are out of sync and it’s completely normal.

What Does This Us About Arousal?

Arousal Non-concordance teaches us that desire and sexual arousal are not always automatic. It lets us know that our genital responses are not always in sync with our internal experiences. 

This concept gives us an explanation as to why sometimes the body will show signs of arousal even though the brain has no plans or interest in pursuing sex.

It teaches us that how “wet” or “hard” someone is doesn’t matter if their mind isn’t into it.  

Why Should You Know?

Being aware of arousal non-concordance can help you navigate your sex life more efficiently. Instead of looking for how “hard” or “wet” someone is, it’s time to ask and listen to their experience. 

If you’re going solo, it’s time to observe yourself and see if your body and mind are in sync. If you find they are not, why not? The Dual control model may be able to help! 

P.S. The evidence supporting the correlation between vaginal wetness and sexual arousal is limited. So, if it’s not Niagara Falls down there, don’t panic; try lube (not getting wet, even when horny is also normal).

Final Thoughts

Though common, non-concordance isn’t widely known. This reality leaves many left to stress about their lack of desire. Most assume that this “missing desire” means their love is fading when in fact it’s a normal response and it just happens. Arousal and desire have to be worked for more often than not and when the brain & body aren’t in the same place, the experience is lackluster.