Last Updated on November 10, 2025 by Lexi Kisses
Mental chastity refers to a type of chastity play where no restraints are used. It tests the willpower of submissives by forgoing the restraints and depending on determination.
What is Chastity (BDSM)?
If you’re unfamiliar with what classic sexual chastity is or need a refresher read on; if not, skip this section and get to the mental torture!
To fully understand mental chastity, it’s helpful to explain chastity first. The word chastity describes that action of abstaining from sex completely. But, when it comes to BDSM chastity tends to mean you abstain from receiving physical pleasure while still engaging in sexual acts.
Why Would You Want This?
Each person who engages in chastity play has a unique reason for doing so. With many citing the power exchange aspects as the most exciting part.
Reasons Why Someone Might be a Keyholder:
- It’s a Chance to be in control
- They can indulge sadistic desires
- Their libido is less active than their partner’s
- The long term build up turns them on.
- It can be empowering
Reasons Why Someone Might Wear a Chastity Device:
- To let go of control
- To indulge their masochism
- Their libido is more active than their partner’s
- The long term buildup makes the orgasm more intense.
- It can be degrading
Along with these individual reasons. Some engage in chastity play to grow closer through trust and intimacy. With the benefit of everything you do now being shrouded in sexual tension.
Finally! What Is Mental Chastity?
Unlike normal chastity play where a device prevents the submissive from touching themselves, mental chastity uses nothing. It’s all mind over matter.
As the keyholder, you are putting psychological restraints on your submissive and their behaviors. And it’s up to them to exert their willpower and impulse control. Or lack of it.
Mental chastity has all the same benefits as other types of chastity play with the perk of discreetness. Because it uses no devices.
How is Mental Chastity Performed?
Once the keyholder gets consent from the submissive, that’s it. It’s time to test their willpower.
The keyholder can, and usually will, do anything in their power to arouse their submissive. And, unless they want to face the consequences, there isn’t a single thing the sub can do about it.
While fulfilling the role of the keyholder, you can use tactics such as degradation, humiliation*, or teasing to get your sub going.
My Advice
For me, I like to oversexualize everything I do. I’ll use a sultry tone to say basic things, I’ll move a bit slower, bend over a bit farther and wear extra sexy things. It is a casual slow build, but it works well for gooning.
Try groping them through their pants once things progress. Give them a taste of pleasure, while also showing them who’s in charge. Play this game for a while. The longer you keep it up, the more heightened their experience will become. And, the stronger the sexual release will be when they do get to enjoy pleasure.
More Ideas for Mental Chastity Play
When you’re ready to be really evil, move on to more direct approaches.
Try letting your submissive watch you masturbate. Watch them struggle as they try to keep their hands off themselves. Remember, with mental chastity, it’s important to remind your sub that they can’t touch themselves until you say.
If it turns them on, mock them for how desperate they look. Or praise them if they prefer that. Shower them in arousal they can’t act on.
As I’ve said before, keep going as long as you like, hell make yourself cum a couple of times. Use toys. Really mess with their head. Watch them crumble for you as they exhibit the maximum amount of self control. Which, for me, is the biggest turn on.
Consequences
So, your submissive didn’t exhibit the maximum amount of self control? Well, that means some punishments are in order.
There are many ways to punish a sub such as:
- Spankings
- Gooning
- Extending the time they must abstain
- Shaming
In my case, my slave loves shame. If they break the rules, I berate them. “Oh wow, you really couldn’t help yourself, could you? Well, longer it is!” Then I’ll tease them with an erotic act that I know I won’t allow them to complete.
Final Thoughts
Mental Chastity is all about making your partner think they’re never going to cum. Making them think that the only pleasure they’re going to get again is yours! Some may whimper, some may whine, but it’s you who’s in control of their orgasm. Rule it with an iron fist.
Have you ever tried this type of chastity play? If so, what kind of things did you find fun?
*The language in it is gender-normative (male-oriented). The advice-giving can be tweaked for all genders.
