Closing Your Eyes During Sex – Stigma Talk
As a society, we seemed to have acknowledged the phenomena that muting one of our senses heightens the others. Sensory Deprivation is becoming more talked about and practiced. So much so that there are sensory deprivation tanks you can go to and try it for yourself. Sex shops are filled with blindfolds, and Google is full of questions about the validity of the claims, yet the stigma around closing your eyes during sex remains: If you close your eyes during sex, you’re thinking of someone else.
What a load of bullshit, that’s all I have to say. I don’t doubt some people might close their eyes to fantasize about another person; however, let us not lump everyone together. There are a billion reasons they could be closing their eyes during sex; everyone is different. And I’ll say it a million times if you want a definite reason, ask your partner why. Yeah, I’m giving my opinion on the stigma because I feel that this topic needs to be viewed in a different light other than infidelity; however, I still can only speak for myself.
A few years ago, I felt plagued to stare my partner in the eyes during sex. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to look at them; it’s just that closing my eyes during sex is something I naturally do, so to actively keep them open felt like a chore. No, no one was forcing me, yet past experiences and toxic media made me equate closing my eyes with a lack of interest. I now know that mindset is completely ignorant; nonetheless, back then, it was something that majorly affected my sex life.
I used to suffer from a lot of anxiety involving sex. At some points, I questioned if it would be something I would enjoy. When my eyes were closed, I enjoyed it, even so, the guilt of making my lover feel unloved/inadequate would kick in, and I would slowly dry up, then call it quits. When my eyes were opened, I enjoyed it, except the pressure to look good would kick in, and I’d find myself nitpicking my body, slowly drying up, then calling it quits. Both very similar situations, yet one has a solution.
Instead of seeping in my guilt when I closed my eyes, I decided to talk to my lover about it.
I nervously told them.
“Hey, we haven’t been having sex a lot because I like to close my eyes and fear you’ll think I don’t like you.”
They raised an eyebrow and reassured me that wasn’t the case. And that was it. The big talk I was afraid of, the mega blow-up, my lover feeling unloved was all summed up in: “That’s silly, I know you think I’m attractive.” Yet those words were all I needed to close my eyes during sex. Unfortunately, not everyone’s partner is as kind, and that’s why the stigma needs to stop.
The stigma around closing your eyes during sex is outdated and rooted in insecurities. When I close my eyes during sex, it’s to relax and enjoy the moment. I do occasionally open my eyes to look down at my partner in ecstasy, still closing my eyes allows me to truly appreciate them and the sensations they’re giving my body.
When I first started overcoming my anxiety towards sex, closing my eyes was the only way I could get my body to relax enough to get wet. The more positive sexual experiences I had with my eyes shut, the more I began to open them. My newfound confidence in the bedroom made me comfortable with my eyes open, and I had gained an appreciation for closing them.
Close your eyes during sex if you want! I think it’s stupid that there are tons of articles telling you what not to do during sex as if they know you. I love closing my eyes; it grants me a greater appreciation for touch and helps me stay in the moment. If you haven’t tried it, I recommend giving it a shot and feel your senses rise and your body become electric.
Want another read? Why not try Gender Stereotyping – Why I Hate It