Earth Women Are Delicious – My Unrequited Lust For Cryptosporidium-137
How can we live in a world of fan-fiction, strange fetishes, and ovipositors, and still no one wants to fuck Cryptosporidium? For those who aren’t familiar with Cryptosporidium-137, he’s the main antagonist of the game Destroy All Humans, oh, and also an alien. Yeah, I know he’s named after a diarrheal disease, but I didn’t know that back in 2005 when I was a kid with very confusing feelings for an alien.
Why am I telling you this? 1. Because I need to get this off my chest! And 2. I was recently reunited and reminded of my lust over this Furon because I finally got around to playing the Destroy All Humans remake, and damn does crypto look good!
It doesn’t end there, though. The entire Furon Military might be in trouble with there snarky comments, intelligence, and power-hungry ways. God, I don’t know if I want to slap them into submission or allow them to have their ways with me.
Call me crazy but imagine this: An Alien who thinks all human life is worthless, picks a hot human out of the crowd, and it’s you! His special human sex toy. He takes you back to the saucer, where you consent to any of his desires, then he forces your legs open with his psychokinesis and has his way with you. And if I’m lucky, maybe I’ll get to meet Pox too, but I’m only interested in giving him oral. Being the supreme leader of the Furon Empire is hard work; I’ll help him blow off some steam. Well, that’s enough about my lust for Furons; allow me to wrap this up.
Let’s put it this way I want to be Natalya from Destroy All Humans 2. I want to be able to kick Cryptosporidium’s ass and also fuck him. If I want to be honest with myself, Crypto’s over-inflated ego would get on my nerves, but hey, isn’t that the point of casual sex? That and he’s fiction, so I never have to worry about my fantasy going up in flames.
Want to read my thoughts on more serious topics? Check out Close Your Eyes During Sex – Thoughts on the Stigma