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When chastity is mentioned in the BDSM community we are usually not talking about just abstaining from sex. Usually, we’re talking about teasing your partner, bringing them to the brink, and then making them hold out for a few more minutes, hours, days, weeks, or however long you want. It’s a form of orgasm denial and there are many goals for those who want to engage in chastity play, Some of the major ones being; to make the final orgasm more intense, to “punish”/tease a plaything, or both. 

Regardless of your reasons for taking an interest in chastity play, you may not think you have the necessary tools to engage in it yet, but you still want to experience all it has to offer; that’s where mental chastity* comes in. 

What is Chastity (BDSM)? 

To understand what mental chastity is let’s explain chastity first. The word chastity, you probably heard before,  means to abstain from sex completely. BDSM tweaks this a bit and it means something along the lines of abstaining from receiving physical pleasure, but you still can engage in sexual acts. 

There are many reasons people want to engage in chastity. For one it puts the keyholder in a place of power which can be exhilarating if you feel you don’t usually have any. It also can make orgasms more intense due to the long-term build-up. Lastly, the act can be just downright degrading. Which is hot as fuck. Whether it’s because we’re playing off society’s view of gender roles or just making fun of the submissive for not being able to cum, chastity has a lot to offer. 

And, there are a few different ways to offer it. There’s physically enforced chastity which is something like using a chastity belt. Then, there’s mentally enforced chastity which is more of demanding them not to cum and trusting them to keep their word (and punishing them if not). 

What Is Mental Chastity? 

Mental chastity plays off the latter of the two types I mentioned above. In mental chastity, you let your slave’s conscience due the work, instead of a device. You are essentially putting psychological restraints on them and their sexual behaviors. With mental chastity, the submissive is told to abstain from physical pleasure and expected to comply without having a tool prevent them. It’s a test of a submissive’s sheer willpower or lack of it. 

It has all the same benefits as any other type of chastity play with the perk of being able to do it on the fly because of the lack of devices it needs. 

How is Mental Chastity Performed?

Once the mental keyholder gets consent from their slave, that’s it. The keyholder can do anything in their power to make that sub as aroused as possible and there isn’t a single thing they can do about it unless they want to face the consequences.

This is when the real fun begins. Now it’s time to sexually entice your submissive. I recommend things such as bending over too far to get into the fridge so they can get a good look, eating suggestive foods, or wearing sexy outfits. Make them want you, knowing they can’t have you. Sometimes I also like to grope them through their pants, giving them a taste of pleasure, showing them who’s in charge, and leaving them yearning for more than they know they can have. 

I recommend playing this game for a while, before rewarding them with more erotic sights. The longer you play keep away, the more heightened their experience will become. 

When you’re ready to be really evil, move on to less suggestive approaches. 

For instance, make your slave watch you masturbate. Watch them struggle not to keep their hands off themselves. When it comes to mental chastity, it’s important to remind your submissive that they can’t touch themselves and or you until you say. If it turns them on, mock them for how desperate they look, if you’re a kinder Dom, this is a good time to praise them. 

Keep going as long as you like, hell, make yourself cum a couple of times, use toys, and really mess with their head. Make them need to slap their own hand away from themselves because they just can’t help it. Watch as they crumble for you, and exhibit the maximum amount of self-control (which for me is the biggest turn-on).  

Mental Chastity is all about making your partner think they’re never going to cum. Making them think that the only pleasure their going to get again is yours! Some may whimper, some may whine but it’s you who is in control of their orgasm. Rule it with an iron fist. 

If your slave does decide to take matters into their own hands, punishments are in order.

A submissive’s punishment can be delivered in a variety of ways. You can use physical punishment such as spanking or for a more long-term sting, it’s always popular to extend the time they must abstain.

In my case, my slave loves to be shamed so if they break the rules I berate them. “Oh wow, you really couldn’t help yourself, could you? Well, I guess you’ll just have to wait longer now, won’t you.” Then I’d tease them with an erotic act that I won’t allow them to complete. 

Mental chastity is all about playing that psychological mind game with your partner.  Honestly, chastity as a whole is like that. To a certain extent, all chastity is mental. When it comes to sexual play, it is completely voluntary.  The user can have the chastity device removed at any time and in some cases, if you’re desperate, you can break it off. 

Mental Chastity is a game of determination for a submissive. They become desperate as they try to find ways to distract themselves from their own aching arousal. This leaves only one thing, your pleasure. Your pleasure is what they use to help guide them through the ecstasy they can’t release. Making their Dom roll out orgasm, after orgasm, shining their shoes, and kissing their feet all in the hope that they will be worthy enough, or just fucking horny enough to cum! They are at their peak and they can’t resolve it. All because they’re obeying you. How exciting. 

Final Thoughts 

As with any type of sexual play, learn what your submissive wants out of chastity play. Is it the humiliation? The sexual tension? The thought of pleasing you?  Find out these things! Knowing them will make knowing what to do/say easier. Try different things, it’s okay not to like some things, and most of all, communicate. My partner and I are still trying to perfect the perfect level of condescending bitch for our scene, We’ll get there, and so will you! 

*This article pertains to humiliation play, not all chastity play! Humiliation play is “consensual psychological humiliation performed in order to produce erotic excitement or sexual arousal”. The language in it is gender-normative (male-oriented). The advice-giving can be tweaked for all genders. The tips are extremely obtainable to newbies and they express some creative ideas 

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