What Does it Mean to be “good” in Bed?

As of writing this, there are over two billion results on google on “How to be better at sex,” over three billion results on “How to be good in bed,” and over five billion results for “How to be good at sex” that’s a lot of people trying to teach you to have the best sex of your life, and I guarantee by the time this article posts, all of those numbers will have risen. Why are there so many articles on this topic? Because of supply and demand; meaning there’s a lot of people looking for sex advice; therefore, there’s a lot of people writing about it. So, with all these opinions out there, how do you know what advice to follow? And to me, the answer is simple if it’s too specific, move on. The secret to having “good” sex isn’t touching his balls to drive him wild or randomly giving them oral. The secret is…the rest of this article, so keep reading to find out! 

What Makes Someone “good” at Partnered Sex?

Good, by definition, means to have the qualities required for a particular role. Now, with that in mind, what exactly is “good” sex? A large portion of the population seems to think that the secret is figuring out what the general public likes and doing that over and over again with every partner. And Yes, that will work most of the time, but as soon as you meet the not so general public, that plan goes up in flames, and you no longer have the qualities required for that particular role. For this reason, I believe the only way to guarantee that sex will always be “good” sex is to talk about, listen, and experiment with it (as much as you feel comfortable) open-mindedly. I know that seems like a bold statement to make in a society that shies away from sex but hear me out.

From my standpoint, you can’t even begin to be good at sex if you aren’t willing to talk and listen. How will you know what your partner likes if you never ask them? Do you know what makes them tick? What traits, situations, and/or appearances drive them wild; in other words, what makes their sexuality uniquely theirs? If not, get to studying because by getting to know a person’s sexuality on a personal level, you can better satisfy them and give them the gratifying sex they want. And that’s where the experiment with it part of my “good” sex definition comes from. To give your partner that sex they always dreamed about in their head, sometimes you have to be willing to try new things and mess up, aka “experiment,” and that takes a high level of open-mindedness! 


“Good” sex is relative, and in most cases, it seems the answer to being good at sex is talking, listening, and being open-minded. This advice sounds simple, yet so many rather ask strangers because sex is too hard, awkward, and/or uncomfortable to talk about and by doing this, they risk doing things their partner/s doesn’t like. Imagine following advice I’ve seen such as; stick a finger up their ass, they’ll love it, and not asking for consent first! Yes, if they like it, you’re a sex god, but if they don’t you’ve just assaulted them, so it’s better to communicate. 

Want More? Check out What I Mean When I Say Sex Positive


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