What Makes Arousal, Desire and Attraction Different?

Last Updated on October 7, 2026 by Lexi Kisses

Sexual arousal is physical, sexual desire is mental,  and sexual attraction is who you are drawn to sexually.¹ If you’re still a bit confused, it’s ok, sometimes they can be hard to separate!

Sexual Arousal 

Sexual arousal refers to the physiological response that happens in the genitals that prepares us for a sexual encounter. It’s commonly experienced as a tingling feeling in the groin, and is often referred to as being “turned on.” This physical response can happen in response to sexual stimuli or randomly due to constantly changing factors in our bodies.^{2 3}

How the body tends to react when Sexually Aroused ⁴

• Penis/Clit becomes erect
• Genitals become warm/more sensitive 
• Wetness may begin to form
• General Increase in
  • Heart-rate
  • Body temperature 
  • Breathing 
  • Blood pressure 

A Few Notes on Sexual Arousal:

• Sexual arousal can happen regardless of if the person desires it or not.
• Sexual arousal in response to sexual stimuli is the body’s way of preparing/protecting itself for a sexual encounter that would otherwise cause discomfort. 
• Sexual Arousal ≠ a desire to have or engage in sex. 

Sexual Desire

Sexual desire is the psychological want to pursue or engage in sex, either spontaneously or responsively. That is to say, some want sex randomly and others want sex in response to stimuli such as watching a movie, or taking a bath. 

How often someone experiences sexual desire will vary, with some people never experiencing it. Desire is commonly referred to as our “libido”. 

A Few Notes on Sexual Desire:

• It’s Mental State 
• It doesn’t have to be directed at a certain person/s
• You can experience sexual desire without sexual attraction or arousal

Sexual Attraction

Sexual Attraction is the feeling of being drawn sexually to a specific person/s. This person could be a stranger, or someone you know.^{5 6 7}

A Few Notes on Sexual Attraction:

• Allosexuals are those who experience sexual attraction to others 
• Asexuals are individuals who do not experience sexual attraction to others

Final Thoughts

Did this clear anything up for you? I found sexual responses to be a bit confusing to understand. But I believe that understanding the differences between the types of sexual responses can help you navigate future sexual encounters, or abstain from sex altogether if you realize you desire it.

1. Skip navigation Search or ask a question Create 1 Avatar image Sexual Arousal, Desire and Attraction: What’s the Difference? (2021). [YouTube]. In Hannah (Sex & Relationships Education). Sexual Arousal, Desire and Attraction: What’s the Difference?[↩]
2. asexualityarchive. (2013, October 20). An asexual’s guide to … arousal. Asexuality Archive. https://www.asexualityarchive.com/an-asexuals-guide-to-arousal/[↩]
3. Arousal. (n.d.). Www.Plannedparenthood.Org. Retrieved October 4, 2026, from https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/sex-pleasure-and-sexual-dysfunction/sex-and-pleasure/arousal[↩]
4. Arousal. (n.d.). Www.Plannedparenthood.Org. Retrieved October 4, 2026, from https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/sex-pleasure-and-sexual-dysfunction/sex-and-pleasure/arousal [↩]
5. Iloveanimals1_1. [downpie], [2022], Do people actually look at a person and want to have sex with them? [Online forum post]. Reddit. https://www.reddit.com/r/asexuality/comments/yba092/comment/itgh48v/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button[↩]
6. What is “sexual attraction?” (2012, January 8). Asexual Visibility and Education Network. https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/69810-what-is-sexual-attraction/[↩]
7. Sarah-Sylvia. (2025, August 25). Definition of sexual attraction. Asexual Visibility and Education Network. https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/279401-definition-of-sexual-attraction/[↩]