Last Updated on January 17, 2026 by Lexi Kisses
Taking on the role of a submissive can be an effective way to learn skills that can apply to other aspects of your life. It’s a safe environment to make mistakes, try new things and build habits or routines that you may put off otherwise.
When it comes to subbing, I use it as an opportunity for personal growth. So my experience may not be everyone’s. But, from my perspective being submissive has taught me many things. Here are a few of my favorites.
1. How to Cope More Effectively with Mistakes
I tend to take my mistakes hard, which prevents me from learning from them. My pride is often strong and misguided.
But, since subbing I’ve been better able to cope with situations that I’m not the best at.
Having someone remind & correct me has improved my ability to take criticism & reflect on my defeats. It forces me to look at my mistakes head on, and take a more constructive approach rather than a self destructive one.
Being a submissive puts me in a vulnerable position where improvement is the only way out (minus a safe word).
Now when I slip up I’m more likely to ask myself “How can I improve in the future? What didn’t work?” rather than berating myself, which distracts me from a more effective solution.
Whether it be a moral dilemma or a minuscule argument, Subbing has taught me to embrace my failures and try again.
2. Advancing Self Reflection Skills
Having to use a safe word when I slip up helps me remember to reflect on if the situation warrants it. Or if I’m being bratty because “I just don’t wanna right now.” Oftentimes it’s the latter.
In my dynamic, I make the rules that my Dom will enforce during play. And, I make these rules with my goals in mind, so calling the safe word doesn’t come without a price.
This forces me to take a moment to remember what I want out of my rules. Or, this leads me to figure out what may be emotionally preventing me from being able to follow them.
The act of having to reflect before calling the safe word helps me clearly see my own actions, and my motives behind them. So, I then can validate my feelings, accept that I was being “bratty”, and enjoy…I mean “dread” my punishment.
3. How to Obtain a Mindful State
With the hecticness of the world around us, sometimes it’s hard to focus on the moment in front of you. Being a submissive gives me a place where I can.
Subbing encourages me to stay in the moment because I have to be alert to constantly listen to commands, follow rules, instructions and engage in the game.
With so much to keep track of, it takes me out of my head and into the world around me. At that moment, all I have to worry about are the rules I have and commands I will be given.
If I do worry, there will be kink consequences, and since I want to be a good little human, I find myself adapting mindfulness behaviors quickly.
Final Thoughts
Submission is a tool I use to improve my life. It has taught me a lot about my likes, dislikes, what works, what doesn’t. And it still continues to show me more. Subbing brings me closer to myself as well as others through the skills I obtain from it.
If you’ve ever thought about subbing, I recommend giving it a try. You never know what you might learn.
