3 Ways Mindfulness can improve Your Sex Life & How to Start Practicing

July 26, 2021 - By Lexi Kisses

Last Updated on November 24, 2025 by Lexi Kisses

Mindfulness is improving the sex lives of many. Including those who experience sexual dysfunction or difficulties. I’ve been working it into my sex life, and it has shown impressive results. Could it help you improve?

First things, first. What is Mindfulness?

To make sure we are all on the same page; Mindfulness is the practice of non-judgmentally paying attention to your feelings, sensations, and experiences in the present moment.

For example, a car splashing you during a rainstorm may elicit a chain of negative thoughts such as “Ugh, this day is terrible, my clothes are ruined and I’m going to be late.”

However, with mindfulness practice, this thought can be transformed into an observation such as “I’m wet; how do I fix this?” Which can ease the stress and give your brain space to think effectively.¹

3 Ways Mindfulness can improve Your Sex Life

Besides, decreasing day to day stress. Mindfulness has been shown to help with all types of sexual issues such as arousal non-concordance, lack of desire, low satisfaction and pain disorders like vestibulodynia. ²

1. Mindful Sex Can Improve Arousal Concordance

Arousal concordance refers to how in sync the brain and body are during sexual encounters. A person is concordant if their mental arousal and physical arousal match. When they don’t, it’s referred to as non-concordance.

For those who have issues with arousal non-concordance, it may be worth it to try out mindfulness.

Many studies show that it can be a helpful way to deal with all types of sexual dysfunction.³⁴ Including a promising study from 2018 that found that it even improved concordance among those with situational erectile dysfunction where medications didn’t work.⁵

2. Mindful Sex can Improve Sexual Desire Over Time

Sexual desire can decrease over time for a variety of reasons. One of the biggest of them is lack of attention.

In today’s world, a lack of attention is common due to our constant multitasking. This makes it easy for our mind to focus on the past & the future, but rarely the present. The lack of present awareness causes many unwanted side effects, one of them being a loss of libido.⁶

Fortunately, this side effect doesn’t have to be permanent, and mindfulness can be an effective way to help.

A study in 2014 found that women with low sexual desire seem to have lower levels of gray matter in the brain,⁷ and a study published in 2010 revealed that mindfulness practice increases gray matter concentration in the brain.⁸

All of this leads psychologists to infer that mindfulness may be an effective way to increase desire in those who lack or lost it.

3. Mindful Sex Can Improve Overall Sexual Gratification

After spending years helping patients with sexual difficulties, Dr. Lori Brotto believes that satisfying sex simply cannot exist without mindfulness.⁹

They came to this conclusion when they realized the patients discussing pleasurable sexual encounters were engaging mindfully. They would use words like feeling “fully connected” and “totally present” to describe these encounters.

And, other Doctors and studies seem to agree and back Brotto up.¹⁰

In 2013 a study found that mindfulness meditation lowers cortisol levels.¹¹ Which, fortunately for us, is the stress hormone that is known to interfere with sexual function, desire, and gratification.¹²

My Favorite Beginner Practices

If you’re interested in using mindfulness to improve your sex life, the best place to start is with daily practice outside of the bedroom. This way it can be easily adapted to the bedroom when you get the hang of it.

1. Conscious Breath

Conscious breath is a breathing technique where you focus on your breathing and witness your thoughts and feelings non-judgmentally.¹³ By doing so, you create space between those rapid-fire thoughts in your head (whether good or bad) and prevent them from building up and overwhelming you.

To get the most out of conscious breathing, it’s best to practice it frequently.

How to Practice Conscious Breath

Relax your gaze. Try not to close your eyes. You want to learn to consciously breathe with them open because sometimes you’re in a situation where you can’t close your eyes (e.g.driving).

Set a Two Minute Timer (JF Benoist recommends working up to 20 minutes a day of practice).
Continually Breathe in and out while focusing on the movement of your stomach and chest.
- The aim is to fill your lungs with as much air as you can and then release as much as possible. There should be no pauses between breaths!
  - Hint: If focusing on your breath freaks you out. Try to put your hand over your stomach and focus on the in-and-out movement.
Try not to judge or give into the thoughts that arise while breathing.
- Simply observe the thoughts, label it, and return to focusing on your breath.
After the timer is up, jot down a list of the thoughts that ran through your mind.

It’s important to practice conscious breath in a safe environment first. This helps your brain relate the action to being safe. Once you get used to this, it can be incorporated into stressful situations.

2. Bathing Mindfully

Bathing Mindfully can be done in the shower or bath. And, can be done during your regular shower routine.

How to Practice Bathing Mindfully

Eliminate distractions, slow down your body, and observe.

I recommend completing all of the actions below at a slower speed than you normally would. I find that slowing down my movements takes me out of autopilot and allows me to focus better on the present moment.

Remove all distractions from the shower room.
- Soft music is fine, but nothing invasive (no coherent lyrics recommended).
Remove your clothes.
- Notice how the clothes brush against your skin as they are coming off.
Turn the water on.
- How does your hand look turning the faucet on?
- What sounds do the water and pipes make?
Enter the shower or bath.
- How does the water feel?
- Do any smells arise?
- What does your skin look like under the water?
Begin your shower routine.
- If you’re washing your hair or body, notice the smells of the soaps and conditioners.
  - How does it feel to clean your hair?
  - Is there soreness on the scalp?
  - Does it feel hot or cold?
  - How does the soap feel on your skin?
After leaving the tub, mindfully dry off.
- How does the air feel against your skin?
- Is it cool?
- Are you cold or hot?
Calmly return to the rest of your day.
- Try writing your thoughts down in a mindfulness diary.

3. Thought Labeling

Labeling thoughts to let them go is a major aspect of mindfulness that helps you create distance between you and your thoughts. This technique helps you become aware that thoughts are just sensations, or events of the mind, no different from other body sensation.

This process also helps us become aware of the fact that just because we think something, doesn’t make it true.

How to Label Thoughts

Notice a Thought
Analysis it briefly
Label it
Let it go

Some Thought Labels to be aware of

Judgemental thoughts

These thoughts are usually critical and categorize things in black and white ways, such as “good” or “bad.”

For example, thinking I’m so stupid for forgetting my jacket is a judgment that implies stupid people forget things that are subjective and not based on fact, but rather opinion.

Catastrophizing thoughts

These thoughts blow things way out of proportion.

For instance, if you think if this date goes wrong, no one will ever love me, that’s a catastrophizing thought. One date, or even a hundred dates, going wrong doesn’t mean you are unloveable!

Ruminating Thoughts

These thoughts are persistent and are usually about negative experiences and feelings.

These thoughts tend to come in the form of an avalanche of painful memories that you find difficult to stop thinking about, such as a divorce, a breakup, or a fight with a friend.

Tip: Try labeling thoughts anytime they pop up, especially the negative ones, to help create distance between you and them and see them for what they really are.

For more thought labels, check out this article: Thought Labeling as a Mindfulness Meditation.

“If you think ‘I’ll never get all of this done,’ change the mental dialog to ‘I’m having the thought I’ll never get all this done.’ This reinforces the fact that you are not your thoughts” – Declutter Your Mind

Remember

There is no right or wrong way to practice.

Mindfulness is about abstaining from giving into judgement. And, feeling like you’re doing an exercise right or wrong is a judgement. Try to relax, and let those types of thoughts pass.

Remember even if you fall asleep during meditation, you’ll still receive the benefits of what you did. As you practice more often, you’ll find it’s easier to stay awake. If not, it means you need the rest.

Try to be patient with yourself. If you’re giving it a genuine effort and showing up; you’re practicing the “right” way.

Try to be Patient with the Wandering Mind!

When you first start practicing mindfulness, you’ll notice how much your mind wanders. As frustrating as this can be, it’s a good sign. Noticing your thoughts, and returning to the present moment, IS part of the practice.⁹

The more you remember to catch your thoughts, the bigger steps you’re taking towards living a more mindful life.

If you’re having difficulty letting your thoughts pass, try to be kind to yourself.

Instead of: “Ugh, I can’t stop thinking about things!! Would I just stop already?”

Try: ““There goes my attention again. Let me try to refocus on my task.”

And, then congratulate yourself for noticing your roaming mind and keep going. ⁹

Final Thoughts

I would recommend giving mindfulness a try for at least 8 weeks before you cast it aside. It astonishes me how much mindfulness is helping me navigate my sex life (and my social one for that matter) and I think it can help you too. If you just give it a shot.

I think as long as you have an open mind and acknowledge there is no right or wrong way to practice, then you too will see its results!

Wheelock, Muriah D., et al. “Psychosocial Stress Reactivity Is Associated with Decreased Whole-Brain Network Efficiency and Increased Amygdala Centrality.” Behavioral Neuroscience, vol. 132, no. 6, Dec. 2018, pp. 561–72, https://doi.org/10.1037/bne0000276. Accessed 17 Nov. 2025.[↩]
Brotto, Lori A., et al. “A Comparison of Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy vs Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for the Treatment of Provoked Vestibulodynia in a Hospital Clinic Setting.” The Journal of Sexual Medicine, vol. 16, no. 6, June 2019, pp. 909–23, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jsxm.2019.04.002. Accessed 17 Nov. 2025.[↩]
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Brotto, Lori A., and Emily Nagoski. Better Sex through Mindfulness : How Women Can Cultivate Desire. Greystone Books, 2018, p. Chapter 11, THE MOST IMPORTANT INGREDIENT IN SATISFYING SEX, Chapter 5, Can Mindfulness Improve Attention?, Chapter 7, Pleasurable Touch Exercise[↩][↩][↩]
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