Last Updated on November 11, 2025 by Lexi Kisses
There’s no specific formula for being “good” at sex. The secret is to ask, observe and be open minded. If you do these 3 things, you’ll be better at sex in no time.
Tip #1 Ask them Questions
From my standpoint, you can’t even begin to be good at sex if you aren’t willing to ask some questions. How can you definitively know what they like if you never ask?
Try to Ask Questions such as:
- What places do you like to be touched the most?
- Any places you don’t want me touching?
- What traits do you find sexually appealing?
- What do you fantasize about?
In other words, find out what makes their sexuality uniquely theirs. Knowing these things can better help you create an environment that will satisfy your lover.
If you find it awkward to talk about sex randomly, try doing it during sex. Check in on your partner by asking them subtle questions like:
- Are you enjoying this?
- Do you want me to keep going?
- Faster?
- Slower?
Use their responses to these as your data.
Tip #2 Observe them
Watching your partner/s’ body language during sex is an excellent way to see what they enjoy. Observe what kind of things make their breathing pick up, and what things make it slow down. Is there anything they move closer towards to get more of?
Note all of this, and do the things they like and stop things that they don’t.
And, depending on the type of sex you are comfortable having; watching your partner masturbate can also be an amazing way to observe what they find pleasurable.
Tip #3 Try to Keep an Open Mind
When having or talking about sex, try to create as judgement free of an environment as you can.1 If your partner feels anxious or judged this will not only affect the quality of the sex. But, it can also deter them from expressing their sexual desires in the future.
Work on challenging your evaluations and just observing what your partner is saying. Remember you’re not obligated to do what they want. You’re learning to find out if it’s something you’re willing to do.
A major part of what makes sex “good,”is feeling respected for your sexual desires.1 This means, make sure you’re extra cautious when discussing and experimenting with sex.
Final Thoughts
Try not to depend on cookie cutter advice when it comes to sex. I once saw an article recommending randomly sticking a finger into someone’s ass because they’d “love it.” With no mention of asking for consent first. Yes, there is a possibility they will like it. But, there’s also the possibility of them feeling assaulted. So, please just communicate.
Think I’ve missed some? What kind of tips do you have when it comes to sex?
- Vowels, Laura M., et al. What Does It Mean to Be Responsive to a Partner’s Sexual Needs? Toward a Definition of Sexual Need Responsiveness. no. 8, Oct. 2022, pp. 3735–47, https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-022-02432-2. Accessed 11 Nov. 2025.[↩][↩]
