Last Updated on June 13, 2026 by Lexi Kisses
Communicating in the bedroom is how you get what you want. It’s not realistic to expect your partner(s) to be a mind reader. In society, we assume you’re either good or bad at sex; but that’s not the reality. If you want to be good at sex and enjoy yourself, guess what? All you have to do is communicate.
My Advice on how to Start Talking About Sex
Make sure your partner(s) is comfortable talking about the topic. Do not force them to talk about sex if they are uncomfortable. It’s important to respect the boundaries of others, even if they don’t line up with how you see things.
Tip 1: Don’t Lie
Many people lie about having orgasms. Stop it! When you fake an orgasm, you’re teaching your partner(s), “I like that, do that again.” and guess what? When you don’t like it, they are still going to do it again.
Pretending to enjoy a sex act is the best way to get things you don’t want. Don’t like penetration? That’s fine; let them know! If they try to coach you into doing the act anyway, end the session; don’t bother dealing with people who don’t care about your pleasure.
Tip 2: Speak with Your Bodies
If you and your partner(s) never talk about sex; I recommend physical communication. Move their hand gently to the spot that feels best to you. Move it away from spots you don’t like.
I would recommend accompanying this with a moan of satisfaction to reassure your partner(s) that they are doing a good job.
Tip 3: Don’t Judge
Talking about sex can be scary, so there is nothing worse than telling your partner(s) about your kink/fetish only to have them make a judgemental face or comment.
I’m assuming that you want your partner(s) to talk to you about sex, so I would recommend trying to actively suppress this type of reaction. Most people do not talk about sex because they feel uncomfortable (judged), so try and make them feel comfortable.
When your partner feels like they can tell you anything without judgment they will be more likely to talk about sex.
Remember: It’s ok to have boundaries. Being open and non-judgmental just means that you will not make the other person feel alien for their wants or desires. It doesn’t mean you are obligated to do anything nor that you can’t say no. (All this advice assumes that your partner(s) has a healthy kink/fetish that involves consenting people.)
Final Thoughts
Not talking about sex leads to having bad sex. Advocate for your pleasure.Talk your wants. It’s not fair to complain about bad sex, but not give tips to your partner on how to improve. Everyone experiences pleasure differently, so remember talking about sex is vital if you want it to be fulfilling.
