The differences between Soft & Hard Doms are not always clear. And knowing the difference between them can lead you to make better decisions in your kink play.
A Hard Dom isn’t for everyone, nor is a Soft one. So, understanding the spectrum of dominance is important when exploring BDSM.
So, What’s a Soft Dom?
“I’m disappointed, not angry” is the general rhetoric of a soft dom.
A Soft Dom is a Dom that takes a soft approach to things.
They will not force you to do things, and are more inclined to positively encourage you towards your goals. Whether those be life or kink goals.
Their rules are (usually) made with reasoning and push you within your limits.
Soft Dom Discipline
Soft Doms are more likely to ask the submissive to do things, not make them do them.
If the request is denied, without valid reason, they may issue a warning. Or ask for an explanation before jumping to punishment or discipline.
A Soft Dom will not overlook a tantrum or bratty behavior.
When it is happening, they will attempt to handle the situation calmly while thinking about the best punishment to show their naughty submissive the error of their ways…later.
You will not pull the wool over their eyes.
Soft Dom’s Consequences
So, now that you threw your tantrum, what are the consequences?
Soft Doms have a variety of non-traditional punishments they inflict on their submissive/s.
Such as writing lines, denying orgasms, giving too many orgasms or tickling.
They also may opt into some more traditional forms of corporal punishment, like spanking. Yes, they can spank!
Soft Dom Rewards*
Praising their submissive for their efforts and congratulating them on their advancements is a common way a Soft Dom rewards their submissive.
They are likely to commend a masochist for the pain they are taking and encourage them to take more without guilt.
*This section is brief because rewards are based on a submissive’s wants and preferences.
Hard Doms
“Do as I say!” are words all too common in Hard Doms speech.
With Hard Doms, they (tend) to run a non-negotiable show once the rules are in place.**
And, unless the rules need to be negotiated, the submissive will be following them. No ifs, ands, or buts.
**Rules are figured out and agreed upon before dynamic play.
Hard Dom Discipline
When it comes to making rules, Hard Doms just do as they please.
Their rules can make complete sense. Or be completely bizarre, just because it sounds fun.
These rules vary vastly from easy to follow to easy to break. Some of these Doms just want an excuse to “punish” a masochistic submissive.
Hard Dom Consequences
Most Hard Doms will enact a punishment so fast your head will spin. Breaking the rules with them results in immediate consequences.
Warnings are not as common, though they aren’t impossible.
The punishments for violating the rules can be reasonable or downright mean.
Some common consequences for breaking rules with Hard Doms are degradation, humiliation, or spankings.
The way these Doms enact consequences tend to push limits.
If their submissive doesn’t think they can take anymore, a Hard Dom may test that plea.***
***Within the submissive’s established boundaries.
Hard Dom Rewards
A common way Hard Doms reward their submissive is with praise.
They complement how well they took a punishment as well as how good they are at being obedient.
Final Thoughts
Think of the words Soft and Hard as adjectives for Doms not types.
Hard & Soft is a spectrum.
Rarely is someone completely one or the other; most people are mixed.
A Dom’s hardness or softness is fluid and can change from day to day.
Usually these changes depend on the needs of their submissive/s at the moment.
A sub who is being brattier than usual may need stricter discipline that day to keep them on track.
Whereas some days, the gentle approach is perfect.
These terms are effective at giving a surface-level idea of the type of dominance a person chooses to enact.
As for the finer details, it’s up to those involved to communicate to get a deeper idea of who they are as a Dom.
