When most people think of Doms, they tend to think of the sadist end of the spectrum. And, who can blame them? The D in BDSM does reside right next to the S for sadism, but they do not go hand and hand. Spankings, humiliation, and mental manipulation are fun when they’re consensual, but they don’t encompass the entire idea of what a dominant can be. There are many types of doms out there, and not all of them fall into the sadistic category, which might come as a surprise to some of you.
Disclaimer: All these dynamics require that all parties involved are consenting adults. Some of these Dom types might seem harsh or extreme, but it’s important to remember the sub involved (in a healthy BDSM relationship) is completely consenting and wants these things!
What is a Dominant (Dom)?
The Dominant is the one in charge in a D/s relationship. They call the shots and have the final say. There’s not much more to it than that. They can be harsh, strict, caring, and/or anything in between. The term Domme sometimes describes a female dom, but I find that in general, Dom is a gender-neutral term to describe the one who’s calling the shots.
What Are the Types of Doms
A Caregiver is a type of Dom who takes on the more nurturing role of a caretaker for their submissive. A caregiver’s responsibilities can range greatly based on what kind of submissive they have/want. It can range anywhere from changing diapers to enforcing (talked about) rules.
In general, these types of Doms are called Mommy or Daddy* by their sub/s though those titles are not exclusive. Caregivers are extremely common in the CGL community, but you can find them in dynamics outside of it as well.
*Both of these titles are genderless to me. Use what makes you comfortable and turns you on. I’ve seen Daddies who identify as female.
Brat Tamers, in simple words, are doms who like a bit of pushback. These are dominants who usually seek pleasure out of finding ways to make their naughty submissives behave. Their ultimate goal is to conquer their sub’s disobedient side (usually over and over again). These doms won’t take your bite back lightly.
Brat Tamers are commonly seen within the CGL kink community, but their presence isn’t limited to there. If there’s a naughty sub out there, there will be a Brat Tamer to spank them!
A Master/Mistress (genderless, use what you want!) is a dom who desires complete servitude and obedience from their sub (within talked about boundaries). A Master’s responsibility is to protect, take care of, and have their slave’s best interests in heart, even if it doesn’t always seem like it.
These relationships are usually 24/7, with negotiated exceptions, and often involve the slave/object (sub) having daily rituals to do for the Master. The Master may also require the slave to perform these rituals in a certain way, such as kneeling before them before you hand them their coffee.
It’s also not uncommon to see a Master require a sub to ask to go to the bathroom, bed, or check-in while they are out. In most cases, the Master regards their sub as property; whether it’s valued or devalued is up to the kink.
Have you ever wanted to be a human ATM? Well, then a Findom might be right for you! A Findom wants a special kind of sub, sometimes called a paypig or money slave, who will lavish them in gifts and maybe even empty their bank account for them. These subs get off on spoiling their doms with money, gifts, and sometimes admiration. The Findom thrives off of being adored in this way and will reward their sub with any type of attention they want (usually full-blown degradation).
Handlers (Pet Trainers/Masters/Owners)
Sit, roll over and play dead are some of the commands a Handler might teach an adorable pet (human)!
A Handler is a type of dom who desires to care for a human (who pet plays) the way someone would a pet. This type of care ranges considerably because it depends on the type of pet (sub) the handler is taking care of. For example, if a handler is taking care of a pet cat (human sub), they might leave a bowl of milk out, play laser with them or scold them for being on the furniture. There are different types of pets out there, from horses to dogs, so care can be varying. Handlers are also referred to as pet trainers, owners, and/or Masters.
This is in no way an absolute list of the types of doms that are out there, that would be impossible due to the unique nature of a D/s relationship. These definitions came from personal experiences and research. They aim to be as accurate and inclusive as possible; however some people will have their way of defining some of these titles, and that’s completely valid as well!.
When it comes down to it, there is no cookie-cutter term to describe all dominants because all of them are unique and different. These terms just provide you with a general idea of what a title instills, not a full-encompassing image. A dominant can be a mix of all these titles, or they can be none of them (they may even be a few of them!).
There are infinite types of doms out there and the only thing that matters is that everyone in the power exchange is happy with their roles.