Seasonal Sex Products – A Personal Rant

It constantly surprises me that there aren’t more seasonal sex products. I mean, where are the candy corn colored dildos, and holiday flavored lubes? I know these are all gimmicky products, but I love gimmicky, cute, and tacky, so bear with me. 

Being new to blogging, I have yet to run out of ideas on what to write about. Three months ago, I jotted down “do reviews on seasonal sex toys,” and here we are three months later. How many seasonal sex products have I reviewed? None, Zip, Zero!  Why? Because they barely fucking exist. Maybe I’m looking in the wrong places, but I shouldn’t need the connections of 007 to find a dildo that looks like a fall festival. 

I spent hours looking online for seasonal sex products, desperately clicking to the 18th page of google. I even tried rephasing my searches; autumn sex products, fall sex products, Halloween sex products, pumpkin spice lube! I tried it all! And even though my searches weren’t completely in vain, the options for products are limited. I found frightful dildos and fleshlights, but besides a select few stores, I didn’t find options for those who enjoy seasonal collections. 

Listen to me: seasonal collections. In all my years of being alive, I never identified with the staying in style for the season crowd, but when it comes to sex toys, I want to. When I’m decorating my house for the seasons, I want to be able to look forward to swapping out the items in my sex draw for equally festive products. 

Besides being festive, how about these spooky, cute, and quirky products all year long? Yeah, some of the toys are too Halloween specific for some; but how about the products like Geeky Sex Toys’ Pumpkin Ball Gag? I don’t know about you, but that pumpkin is cute enough to add to an all year collection. 


At the end of the day, it seems that I’m just complaining about the lack of style sex products have and after writing this, I can see that I am. I live for creating an environment during sex, whether it be BDSM, role play, or just vanilla, and for me, having themed sex toys is a part of that. To conclude this ridiculous rant, there are a lot more things wrong with the sex product industry besides its lack of seasonal sex products, but I thought it would be fun to share my small gripe with it.

Honorable Mentions for this Autumn Season

Fleshlight Freaks
Calaveras Skull Dildo
Geeky Sex Toys Halloween


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