The Sexual Response Cycle – What It Is & My Personal Experience

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I remember a time when I thought I would never like penetration. Even when I was at my most turned-on, or so I thought, I experienced discomfort. “What’s wrong with me?” I asked myself (nothing btw), “why don’t I enjoy sex the way I’m supposed to?” Keep in mind, my references at the time were bad sex-ed and porn. Years passed, and the only successful orgasm I could have was with my clit.* 

And then one day, I met my current lover, and they blew my mind. For the first time in my life, I found pleasure in fingering. The fingering was delightful, and the fucking even greater. About a year in, I began to feel irritation with sex again. 

I still found them breathtaking; nonetheless, my body no longer wished to receive them. This created mental turmoil for me; how can I love this person and not get turned on by them? My mind wants them, but my body rejects them. I was confused. I eventually figured out, all I needed was time. 

When I first started having sex with my partner, it was slow and lasted hours. When the honeymoon phase was over, we lived for quickies and who can cum the most games. All of which were fun, but they didn’t give my body the time it needed to warm up. Time is all I needed, and I didn’t give myself that. 

Jumpcut to a couple of months ago, I’m reading Come As You Are, and the author discusses the Sexual Response Cycle. “Damn, I wish I knew this sooner,” I said to myself. So, after that realization, I decided if you have sex, you should know about the Sexual Response Cycle. 

What is the Sexual Response Cycle?

“The sexual response cycle refers to the sequence of physical and emotional changes that occur as a person becomes sexually aroused and participates in sexually stimulating activities, including intercourse and masturbation.”

To put it in layman’s terms, the sexual response system describes phases that your body goes through during arousal. 

4-Phase Sexual Response Cycle

Phase 1: Excitement/Desire 

This Phase can last anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours. 

This is the moment of truth. When you want someone, you know it. The heart rate picks up and breathing all of a sudden feels labored. Nipples get hard, and breast/testicles swell. Most importantly, if you have a vagina, it will start lubricating, take your time and let your body do its job (learn from me). Don’t be afraid to use a little lube! 

Phase 2: Plateau/Arousal

Phase 1, but better.

So in Phase 2, you’ll notice all of the same things going on, more blood flow, swelling, and lubrication. Except now, the clit is extra sensitive, so much so that it retracts itself to avoid direct stimulation. The testicles begin to tighten, and the body may experience some muscle spasms. 

Phase 3: Orgasm

The Phase we’ve all been waiting for. 

Phase 3 is the orgasm, and it’s the shortest of all the phases, only lasting a mere few seconds. Now we’re getting heated! The muscles begin to contract involuntarily, and your lungs begin to greedily take the air. The body undergoes rhythmic contractions as it’s cumming.

Phase 4: Resolution 

Phase 4, time to cool down. 

The body returns to its normal state. If you have a vagina, you may be able to cum again; however, most people with penises need some time. 

Why Should I Know This?

Everyone’s phases are different. For example, Phase 1 may last 10 minutes for some and hours for others. Knowing when you reach each phase is important because then you will know your body is ready for more.  On the contrary, knowing when your partner reaches each of these is important to please them as well. 

Knowing about the Sexual Response Cycle is a surefire way to get rid of negative feelings about mutual orgasms because the truth is they are rare. Listen to you’re body and enjoy the ride. 

Interested in the 4-Phase Response Cycle? Test out the validity yourself with a 60 Minute Sex Game!

*There’s nothing wrong with this. I just wanted more. I was curious about the sensation of penetration, and it was something I yearned for at times, and I just couldn’t make it feel good. If penetration isn’t something that you want, that’s fine too!

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